Losing Well Part 21

Continuation of my series, Losing Well. Part 1 can be found here.


December 2015
Spring of 2013. After six months, I moved from short term disability to long term disability and my insurance company requested that I signup for Social Security Disability. They paid for an outside firm to help submit my application. It normally takes two years to get approved for SSDI. My application was approved in 29 days. The government doesn't seem to see the need to fight visual impairment like they would other disabilities. It’s just a measurement to them. 

My case worker from the Social Security Administration called and said that I should have my payments changed over into my wife’s name. I have no idea why she thought this was a good idea but I refused. The case worker seemed pretty upset that I didn’t do what they had told me. Story of my life, get in line. She then asked if I was the head of house. I told them I was. They said I could get money for my kids and I should submit an application for them. I sighed and told them to look at their computer because that application had already been submitted. Two weeks later my children’s application was approved.   

My insurance policy with the bank said I should make 60% of my former salary plus bonuses. After SSDI. In reality, my state didn’t count my SSDI as income. This meant I made more like 70% of my former salary. Here ’s how my income would breakout over time, assuming I made $1,000 a year:

$280 - SSDI
$140 - SSDI for my children
$230 - LTD Insurance Policy
Total = $650

As my children turned 18 they would stop getting SSDI so my income would look like this:

$280 SSDI
$370 LTD insurance Policy
Total = $650

And when I turned 65 my income would drop to just the $280 SSDI. This assumes I could maintain LTD payments from my insurance company, Something they were going to fight me on shamelessly.

The loss of 30% my income was a huge blow at first. Kate had been a stay at home mother for four years. After I went on disability, she went back to work. We effectually switched roles. I was now a stay at home Dad and she was working. But because of my insurance and SSDI, I was still he breadwinner. It was a strange situation.


July 4, 2013
A year ago today I noticed new eye problems that my surgeon later told me he couldn't correct. This set me on a new path.


July 15, 2013
Made another optical tech cry after my visual field test. The doctor should really warn them about me!


September 26, 2013
Going on disability was the right decision but walking away from my team goes against everything I know. It hurt my soul. The logic of the mind eats away at the decisions it made for itself. I miss work. I miss the prestige. I miss the action. I miss the thrill. I don't miss all the conference calls.

When I was working I was headed to an early grave.  All the calories to jack me up to have my head in the game. Then not having time to work out or eat right.  It created a circle of failure. Walking away from work broke the cycle.  And probably saved me from a heart attack.


December 11, 2013
LTD Insurance company just called to tell me they've been Googling my activities. Guess it's their way of wishing me happy holidays. I hope they have video of me walking into the occasional tree. That happens all too frequently.


December 14, 2013
Blind man runs into wheelchair.

Part 22 is here.