I was updating the blog regularly until I went to school. There was just no way to keep it up after that. School was pretty hard for a variety of reasons. Mostly because I can't see very well and it took me a long time to keep up. I did end the semester on the Dean's list, which feels impossibly amazing.
As far as my disability, my macular edema has convinced my LTD insurance company in ways my RP never could. I guess they just understood macular edema better than RP. They told me I've been moved to long term maintenance. They aren't exactly trustworthy but that sounds better than the short term harassment policy they had me on.
Last year I got to travel, this year I went back to school and did well. What am amazing 12 months. Life and visual impairment don't have to suck.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Friday, March 4, 2016
School Update
It’s spring break which means I can finally come up for a breath and reflect on what’s been going on. Going back to school has been tough, time consuming, enlightening, and interesting. But not very enjoyable.
I last went to college in 1996. Since then, things have, um, changed. If you wore headphones in public twenty years ago, you were square. Now everyone does. Computers were mostly used in labs and laptops were rare and not allowed in class. Citing the internet would get you laughed at. In general, students treated professors with more respect. I’ve been surprised by the amount of arguing, talking, phone using, tardiness, and leaving early the students do. The older the students are, the less this behavior is evident. So it doesn’t happen nearly as much is my senior level classes. I guess the students either mature or leave.
For the most part, the students have shown no interest in my disability. I’m stared at a lot but rarely asked questions. One class took us on a surprise field trip to a garden on campus. I quickly fell behind. In a class of over 70 students, only one noticed, or cared notice, and came back to help me catch up. I will say, I’ve gotten to know my lab partners pretty well and they’re nice, smart and friendly. They’re all surprised when they find out my age. They mostly assume I’m around 30.
This is my first time being a disabled student. I get caught in some tough situation. Professors like to use Powerpoints with the lights off, which makes it impossible for me to take notes. Or an open note quiz is really a reading test for me because I can only see one word for every five a normal person can. Open note quizzes are just quizzes for me. When I have time to do assignments, papers or projects, I usually do pretty well.
Personally, I’m not as fast as I was twenty years ago. I make up for that, I think, with better attention to detail, organization and commitment. Because I transferred in with a degree, I’m taking only major classes, all science. When the labs are added, I’m in class about 20 hours a week. Any one or two classes might have been alright but together their almost too much. Add the time out of class for projects and studying and I’m probably doing 50 - 60 hours of work a week. Most students could probably do it quicker, I just don’t read that fast anymore. I have no idea how my classmates maintain their social lives while being full time.
The professors. Not sure how honest I want to be in this space. They’re smart and generally helpful. I think I’m older than half of them. I have been surprised at how much I have to connect the dots in some classes. There isn’t always a clear narrative between instruction and assignments or tests. This type of behavior wouldn’t cut it in the corporate world I came out of.
I will say that the science I’ve been learning has actually been changing my perspective and helping me see the world in ways I never have. That’s the point of education, or it should be. I hope all the stress I’m under is worth it. I’m not sure how long I can keep up the pace as a full time student. I might need to rethink my approach, slowdown. I want to enjoy this process as well as learn from it.
I last went to college in 1996. Since then, things have, um, changed. If you wore headphones in public twenty years ago, you were square. Now everyone does. Computers were mostly used in labs and laptops were rare and not allowed in class. Citing the internet would get you laughed at. In general, students treated professors with more respect. I’ve been surprised by the amount of arguing, talking, phone using, tardiness, and leaving early the students do. The older the students are, the less this behavior is evident. So it doesn’t happen nearly as much is my senior level classes. I guess the students either mature or leave.
For the most part, the students have shown no interest in my disability. I’m stared at a lot but rarely asked questions. One class took us on a surprise field trip to a garden on campus. I quickly fell behind. In a class of over 70 students, only one noticed, or cared notice, and came back to help me catch up. I will say, I’ve gotten to know my lab partners pretty well and they’re nice, smart and friendly. They’re all surprised when they find out my age. They mostly assume I’m around 30.
This is my first time being a disabled student. I get caught in some tough situation. Professors like to use Powerpoints with the lights off, which makes it impossible for me to take notes. Or an open note quiz is really a reading test for me because I can only see one word for every five a normal person can. Open note quizzes are just quizzes for me. When I have time to do assignments, papers or projects, I usually do pretty well.
Personally, I’m not as fast as I was twenty years ago. I make up for that, I think, with better attention to detail, organization and commitment. Because I transferred in with a degree, I’m taking only major classes, all science. When the labs are added, I’m in class about 20 hours a week. Any one or two classes might have been alright but together their almost too much. Add the time out of class for projects and studying and I’m probably doing 50 - 60 hours of work a week. Most students could probably do it quicker, I just don’t read that fast anymore. I have no idea how my classmates maintain their social lives while being full time.
The professors. Not sure how honest I want to be in this space. They’re smart and generally helpful. I think I’m older than half of them. I have been surprised at how much I have to connect the dots in some classes. There isn’t always a clear narrative between instruction and assignments or tests. This type of behavior wouldn’t cut it in the corporate world I came out of.
I will say that the science I’ve been learning has actually been changing my perspective and helping me see the world in ways I never have. That’s the point of education, or it should be. I hope all the stress I’m under is worth it. I’m not sure how long I can keep up the pace as a full time student. I might need to rethink my approach, slowdown. I want to enjoy this process as well as learn from it.
Friday, January 15, 2016
One Week In
College is a kick in the head. I'm enjoying it but wow. Who takes four science classes in the same semester? It's foolishness.
It's strange being a disabled student. I get looked at a lot when I'm using my cane. I just ignore the stares because to acknowledge them would be even more confusing. I find walking around campus to be stressful. I'm constantly on guard from all the traffic and when I get to my destination I'm tired.
Gripes over. I'm actually enjoying myself. I enjoy having a task to tackle. The people have been nice. Most of my professor's met with me to go over concerns either they had or so I could tell them what I need. I'm optimistic this will work out.
It's strange being a disabled student. I get looked at a lot when I'm using my cane. I just ignore the stares because to acknowledge them would be even more confusing. I find walking around campus to be stressful. I'm constantly on guard from all the traffic and when I get to my destination I'm tired.
Gripes over. I'm actually enjoying myself. I enjoy having a task to tackle. The people have been nice. Most of my professor's met with me to go over concerns either they had or so I could tell them what I need. I'm optimistic this will work out.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
School Updates
School starts on Monday! Can't believe this is happening. I didn't even know this was a possibility until October of of 2015. It has been a bit of an effort to get the Division of the Blind to communicate with the State university I'm going to. They finally paid my tuition so I can start. But I still don't have my books.
Transportation is going to be interesting. My wife will drive me to school in the morning. The afternoon is going to be complicated. I live in a suburb. The city disabled transportation will drop me off close to the house but not at my house. I suspect I'll have to take Uber the rest of the way.
I'm excited. A little nervous. I meet with on campus disabled services tomorrow to see what they can do for me.
Transportation is going to be interesting. My wife will drive me to school in the morning. The afternoon is going to be complicated. I live in a suburb. The city disabled transportation will drop me off close to the house but not at my house. I suspect I'll have to take Uber the rest of the way.
I'm excited. A little nervous. I meet with on campus disabled services tomorrow to see what they can do for me.
Losing Well Part 23
Continuation of my series, Losing Well. Part 1 can be found here.
November 13, 2014
Two years after I went out on leave due to my visual disability, I got a letter in the mail welcoming me to Medicare. A lot of people are, understandably, very happy when this day comes. Me? Not so much.
I didn't request to participate in Medicare. The government just automatically signed me up for Medicare Plan A and Plan B. Plan A is free to me and covers hospital stays. Plan B will cost me $104 a month, increases yearly, and is a major medical plan. To get a truly functional health plan I'd need to pay for Plan C; a Medicare Advantage plan offered by an HMO/PPO.
Thing is, I don't need Medicare. I have insurance already through my employer. And since my plan provides for my family, I'm not making any changes. So clearly I'm not going to pay for Plan C - I don't need two complete health policies for one person. And Plan B looks redundant and not worth the expense. I'll keep Plan A because it literally isn't possible to cancel.
So here's the rub, the government has built in an incentive to try and force me to sign-up for Plan B. If I don't sign up when Plan B is first made available and I want to sign-up at a later date, there will be a penalty. Plan B will go up 10% in cost for every year that I'm eligible but didn't participate.
So If ten years from now I lose my employer based insurance and want to get Plan B it will cost me $208 (in 2014 dollars) instead of $104. A month, every month! If I wait 15 years, it will cost $260. Remember this is just for a major medical plan, not an actual health plan. I'd still have to pay for Medicare Advantage separately.
I talked to the Social Security administration and they confirmed that there is no cap to the 10% yearly penalty. They said it would reset when I hit 65, over two decades from now. In theory I could end up having to pay more than 240% in penalties on a monthly basis if I lose my employer based insurance.
But isn't that why we have the affordable care act? If I lose my insurance I can just jump on healthcare.gov and buy a plan from the exchanges. But I can't. Since the government signed me up for Medicare, I lost the ability to buy insurance on the open market. Providers are only allowed to sell me Medicare Advantage plans, which I have to purchase Plan B to qualify for.
Normally, Medicare doesn't impose the Plan B penalty on people who have employer based insurance. But for some unexplained reason, people in my situation do not qualify for the penalty exemption based upon how the IRS taxes my income.
So I'm left with a choice. If I waive Plan B the government will start adding the fees onto to my hypothetical premiums. Which wouldn't matter as long as I keep my employer based insurance. But we live in uncertain times. My employer is not required by law to allow my participation on their health plan. And I assume they could remove me from it. This might get them some bad press but other companies have removed insurance access to their disabled/retired employees.
So until I hit the age of 65, will I really be able to participate in my employer's plan? I hope so. But can I realistically count on it? Since I will not be allowed onto the open market to purchase a health plan, it's hard to see how I do anything but pay the Plan B $1,250 yearly fee.
I might be able to make back a small percentage of the Plan B premiums if Plan B covers my employee based insurance policy co-pays. But the vast majority of my Plan B premiums are going to be wasted on a product I'm already purchasing. I'm essentially buying Plan B as a hedge against my actually insurance plan going away. Plan B is functioning more as very expensive liability insurance. On my insurance.
Oh, well. My family didn't need that money anyway.
To be continued. . .
November 13, 2014
Two years after I went out on leave due to my visual disability, I got a letter in the mail welcoming me to Medicare. A lot of people are, understandably, very happy when this day comes. Me? Not so much.
I didn't request to participate in Medicare. The government just automatically signed me up for Medicare Plan A and Plan B. Plan A is free to me and covers hospital stays. Plan B will cost me $104 a month, increases yearly, and is a major medical plan. To get a truly functional health plan I'd need to pay for Plan C; a Medicare Advantage plan offered by an HMO/PPO.
Thing is, I don't need Medicare. I have insurance already through my employer. And since my plan provides for my family, I'm not making any changes. So clearly I'm not going to pay for Plan C - I don't need two complete health policies for one person. And Plan B looks redundant and not worth the expense. I'll keep Plan A because it literally isn't possible to cancel.
So here's the rub, the government has built in an incentive to try and force me to sign-up for Plan B. If I don't sign up when Plan B is first made available and I want to sign-up at a later date, there will be a penalty. Plan B will go up 10% in cost for every year that I'm eligible but didn't participate.
So If ten years from now I lose my employer based insurance and want to get Plan B it will cost me $208 (in 2014 dollars) instead of $104. A month, every month! If I wait 15 years, it will cost $260. Remember this is just for a major medical plan, not an actual health plan. I'd still have to pay for Medicare Advantage separately.
I talked to the Social Security administration and they confirmed that there is no cap to the 10% yearly penalty. They said it would reset when I hit 65, over two decades from now. In theory I could end up having to pay more than 240% in penalties on a monthly basis if I lose my employer based insurance.
But isn't that why we have the affordable care act? If I lose my insurance I can just jump on healthcare.gov and buy a plan from the exchanges. But I can't. Since the government signed me up for Medicare, I lost the ability to buy insurance on the open market. Providers are only allowed to sell me Medicare Advantage plans, which I have to purchase Plan B to qualify for.
Normally, Medicare doesn't impose the Plan B penalty on people who have employer based insurance. But for some unexplained reason, people in my situation do not qualify for the penalty exemption based upon how the IRS taxes my income.
So I'm left with a choice. If I waive Plan B the government will start adding the fees onto to my hypothetical premiums. Which wouldn't matter as long as I keep my employer based insurance. But we live in uncertain times. My employer is not required by law to allow my participation on their health plan. And I assume they could remove me from it. This might get them some bad press but other companies have removed insurance access to their disabled/retired employees.
So until I hit the age of 65, will I really be able to participate in my employer's plan? I hope so. But can I realistically count on it? Since I will not be allowed onto the open market to purchase a health plan, it's hard to see how I do anything but pay the Plan B $1,250 yearly fee.
I might be able to make back a small percentage of the Plan B premiums if Plan B covers my employee based insurance policy co-pays. But the vast majority of my Plan B premiums are going to be wasted on a product I'm already purchasing. I'm essentially buying Plan B as a hedge against my actually insurance plan going away. Plan B is functioning more as very expensive liability insurance. On my insurance.
Oh, well. My family didn't need that money anyway.
To be continued. . .
Losing Well Part 22
Continuation of my series, Losing Well. Part 1 can be found here.
December 2015
2013 was my first full year on disability. But it didn’t really feel like my time was idle. I was raising kids, doing housework, helping with homework. It was a busy time. I didn’t find it as intellectually challenging as work. I also didn’t find it as stressful.
Kate’s consulting business started to take off. She was able to make up most of the family income that I’d lost by going on disability. And she seemed a lot happier to be working than staying at home. She’d gotten bored and now she was working for herself. I was a bit envious.
My LTD insurance agent had been telling me that I had nothing to worry about. I’d cleared the investigation. At 18 months I’d be put onto “long term maintenance.” So I wasn’t too worried about my finances. I was amazed that they had spent so much money on my case. I guess they'd been hoping to catch me driving a car. I'm dumb not suicidal.
April 9, 2014
I was using my cane and somebody stopped to ask me driving directions. How desperate are you? But I was able to give directions.
May 23, 2014
Upon request of my medical physician, I went to an Urgent Care to get a Tetanus shot for a minor cut on my leg. I totally didn’t see that metal can. I should always use my cane. Arrogance will give you lockjaw.
July 11, 2014
Some loser came at me with a four letter tirade about how I shouldn't fake being blind. I didn't take it well. I thought he was going to sucker punch me. These guys are always the same. And the older I get the less patience I have.
December 2015
In July of 2014 I was told that I had a new LTD agent. He told me that he that my vote to go onto long term maintenance wasn't a sure thing. He was reviewing my case and everything was back on the table. This was not welcome news. It threw everything back into flux.
August 4, 2014
My new agent just told me that "If I had your skill set I would have found a way to adapt to losing my vision." An interesting way to try and shame me for my disability.
August 15, 2014
Appointment made to get new glasses to replace broken pair. Kids + disability = expensive.
December 2015
In September of 2014, my agent called to tell me that there had been a round table vote on if I would go on long term maintenance. He said there was one vote against - the vocational rehab case worker thought I should still be able to work. This contradicted a written statement from my Retina Specialist Ophthalmologist. She apparently knew more than my eye doctor.
The way my insurance policy was written, I had to prove that I couldn’t do any job, not just prove I couldn’t do the job I was working. In theory this meant my insurance company could force me to work at a fast food restaurant. My agent told me that if the vocational rehab coordinator could find a job for me within a sixty mile radius of my home, they’d cut me if I didn’t apply for it. My response was to ask them what job they thought I could work. He couldn’t name one. Then I asked him how I’d get to the job. He said the way the contract was written, transportation isn’t a consideration. Transportation and childcare would be my expense. Even if I was working a minimum wage job. There’s no way I could afford to get a job.
September 12, 2014
The ERSIA [Employee Retirement Income Security Act] lawyer I spoke to today said that of all the people he's spoken to this week, I'm the one he thinks won't have any problem. He told me not to comply with my insurance company requests unless they were in writing.
October 8, 2014
Got a letter today that indicated my insurance company has been accessing my general health medical history. I’d told them not to back in 2012. The letter indicates that they had been violating my HIPPA rights for the past 11 months. When I called, they stated they had not been and that the letter was sent in error. Because they’re so trustworthy, I believe them.
Part 23 can be found here.
December 2015
2013 was my first full year on disability. But it didn’t really feel like my time was idle. I was raising kids, doing housework, helping with homework. It was a busy time. I didn’t find it as intellectually challenging as work. I also didn’t find it as stressful.
Kate’s consulting business started to take off. She was able to make up most of the family income that I’d lost by going on disability. And she seemed a lot happier to be working than staying at home. She’d gotten bored and now she was working for herself. I was a bit envious.
My LTD insurance agent had been telling me that I had nothing to worry about. I’d cleared the investigation. At 18 months I’d be put onto “long term maintenance.” So I wasn’t too worried about my finances. I was amazed that they had spent so much money on my case. I guess they'd been hoping to catch me driving a car. I'm dumb not suicidal.
April 9, 2014
I was using my cane and somebody stopped to ask me driving directions. How desperate are you? But I was able to give directions.
May 23, 2014
Upon request of my medical physician, I went to an Urgent Care to get a Tetanus shot for a minor cut on my leg. I totally didn’t see that metal can. I should always use my cane. Arrogance will give you lockjaw.
July 11, 2014
Some loser came at me with a four letter tirade about how I shouldn't fake being blind. I didn't take it well. I thought he was going to sucker punch me. These guys are always the same. And the older I get the less patience I have.
December 2015
In July of 2014 I was told that I had a new LTD agent. He told me that he that my vote to go onto long term maintenance wasn't a sure thing. He was reviewing my case and everything was back on the table. This was not welcome news. It threw everything back into flux.
August 4, 2014
My new agent just told me that "If I had your skill set I would have found a way to adapt to losing my vision." An interesting way to try and shame me for my disability.
August 15, 2014
Appointment made to get new glasses to replace broken pair. Kids + disability = expensive.
December 2015
In September of 2014, my agent called to tell me that there had been a round table vote on if I would go on long term maintenance. He said there was one vote against - the vocational rehab case worker thought I should still be able to work. This contradicted a written statement from my Retina Specialist Ophthalmologist. She apparently knew more than my eye doctor.
The way my insurance policy was written, I had to prove that I couldn’t do any job, not just prove I couldn’t do the job I was working. In theory this meant my insurance company could force me to work at a fast food restaurant. My agent told me that if the vocational rehab coordinator could find a job for me within a sixty mile radius of my home, they’d cut me if I didn’t apply for it. My response was to ask them what job they thought I could work. He couldn’t name one. Then I asked him how I’d get to the job. He said the way the contract was written, transportation isn’t a consideration. Transportation and childcare would be my expense. Even if I was working a minimum wage job. There’s no way I could afford to get a job.
September 12, 2014
The ERSIA [Employee Retirement Income Security Act] lawyer I spoke to today said that of all the people he's spoken to this week, I'm the one he thinks won't have any problem. He told me not to comply with my insurance company requests unless they were in writing.
October 8, 2014
Got a letter today that indicated my insurance company has been accessing my general health medical history. I’d told them not to back in 2012. The letter indicates that they had been violating my HIPPA rights for the past 11 months. When I called, they stated they had not been and that the letter was sent in error. Because they’re so trustworthy, I believe them.
Part 23 can be found here.
Losing Well Part 21
Continuation of my series, Losing Well. Part 1 can be found here.
December 2015
Spring of 2013. After six months, I moved from short term disability to long term disability and my insurance company requested that I signup for Social Security Disability. They paid for an outside firm to help submit my application. It normally takes two years to get approved for SSDI. My application was approved in 29 days. The government doesn't seem to see the need to fight visual impairment like they would other disabilities. It’s just a measurement to them.
My case worker from the Social Security Administration called and said that I should have my payments changed over into my wife’s name. I have no idea why she thought this was a good idea but I refused. The case worker seemed pretty upset that I didn’t do what they had told me. Story of my life, get in line. She then asked if I was the head of house. I told them I was. They said I could get money for my kids and I should submit an application for them. I sighed and told them to look at their computer because that application had already been submitted. Two weeks later my children’s application was approved.
My insurance policy with the bank said I should make 60% of my former salary plus bonuses. After SSDI. In reality, my state didn’t count my SSDI as income. This meant I made more like 70% of my former salary. Here ’s how my income would breakout over time, assuming I made $1,000 a year:
$280 - SSDI
$140 - SSDI for my children
$230 - LTD Insurance Policy
Total = $650
As my children turned 18 they would stop getting SSDI so my income would look like this:
$280 SSDI
$370 LTD insurance Policy
Total = $650
And when I turned 65 my income would drop to just the $280 SSDI. This assumes I could maintain LTD payments from my insurance company, Something they were going to fight me on shamelessly.
The loss of 30% my income was a huge blow at first. Kate had been a stay at home mother for four years. After I went on disability, she went back to work. We effectually switched roles. I was now a stay at home Dad and she was working. But because of my insurance and SSDI, I was still he breadwinner. It was a strange situation.
July 4, 2013
A year ago today I noticed new eye problems that my surgeon later told me he couldn't correct. This set me on a new path.
July 15, 2013
Made another optical tech cry after my visual field test. The doctor should really warn them about me!
September 26, 2013
Going on disability was the right decision but walking away from my team goes against everything I know. It hurt my soul. The logic of the mind eats away at the decisions it made for itself. I miss work. I miss the prestige. I miss the action. I miss the thrill. I don't miss all the conference calls.
When I was working I was headed to an early grave. All the calories to jack me up to have my head in the game. Then not having time to work out or eat right. It created a circle of failure. Walking away from work broke the cycle. And probably saved me from a heart attack.
December 11, 2013
LTD Insurance company just called to tell me they've been Googling my activities. Guess it's their way of wishing me happy holidays. I hope they have video of me walking into the occasional tree. That happens all too frequently.
December 14, 2013
Blind man runs into wheelchair.
Part 22 is here.
December 2015
Spring of 2013. After six months, I moved from short term disability to long term disability and my insurance company requested that I signup for Social Security Disability. They paid for an outside firm to help submit my application. It normally takes two years to get approved for SSDI. My application was approved in 29 days. The government doesn't seem to see the need to fight visual impairment like they would other disabilities. It’s just a measurement to them.
My case worker from the Social Security Administration called and said that I should have my payments changed over into my wife’s name. I have no idea why she thought this was a good idea but I refused. The case worker seemed pretty upset that I didn’t do what they had told me. Story of my life, get in line. She then asked if I was the head of house. I told them I was. They said I could get money for my kids and I should submit an application for them. I sighed and told them to look at their computer because that application had already been submitted. Two weeks later my children’s application was approved.
My insurance policy with the bank said I should make 60% of my former salary plus bonuses. After SSDI. In reality, my state didn’t count my SSDI as income. This meant I made more like 70% of my former salary. Here ’s how my income would breakout over time, assuming I made $1,000 a year:
$280 - SSDI
$140 - SSDI for my children
$230 - LTD Insurance Policy
Total = $650
As my children turned 18 they would stop getting SSDI so my income would look like this:
$280 SSDI
$370 LTD insurance Policy
Total = $650
And when I turned 65 my income would drop to just the $280 SSDI. This assumes I could maintain LTD payments from my insurance company, Something they were going to fight me on shamelessly.
The loss of 30% my income was a huge blow at first. Kate had been a stay at home mother for four years. After I went on disability, she went back to work. We effectually switched roles. I was now a stay at home Dad and she was working. But because of my insurance and SSDI, I was still he breadwinner. It was a strange situation.
July 4, 2013
A year ago today I noticed new eye problems that my surgeon later told me he couldn't correct. This set me on a new path.
July 15, 2013
Made another optical tech cry after my visual field test. The doctor should really warn them about me!
September 26, 2013
Going on disability was the right decision but walking away from my team goes against everything I know. It hurt my soul. The logic of the mind eats away at the decisions it made for itself. I miss work. I miss the prestige. I miss the action. I miss the thrill. I don't miss all the conference calls.
When I was working I was headed to an early grave. All the calories to jack me up to have my head in the game. Then not having time to work out or eat right. It created a circle of failure. Walking away from work broke the cycle. And probably saved me from a heart attack.
December 11, 2013
LTD Insurance company just called to tell me they've been Googling my activities. Guess it's their way of wishing me happy holidays. I hope they have video of me walking into the occasional tree. That happens all too frequently.
December 14, 2013
Blind man runs into wheelchair.
Part 22 is here.
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