Losing Well Part 12

Continuation of my series, Losing Well. Part 1 can be found here.


December 2015
2003 and early 2004 were the best and worst times of my life. Kate and I got married and went on honeymoon. I was promoted and had a new team working for me. And my parents died. They lived hundreds of miles apart and didn’t talk to each but they still died only a few months apart.

The loss of my Mother sent me into a depression spiral that took years to climb out of. I started going back out as a way of dealing with all my unresolved issues. I become numb as a defense mechanism to protect myself from pain. I stopped caring. I became distant even from myself.
I was so worried about RP that I hadn’t prepared myself to deal with anything else. Life has it’s own narrative. I took an online stress test during this time. My results were deemed invalid. The algorithm assumed that no one could experience that much stress in one year. 


June 2003
The one bedroom condo was great when I lived alone. But not enough space for two people. So we’re going to try and sell it and buy a house.


30 June 2003
A lot of comedians like to make fun of the “legally blind.” They are, according to the pundits, healthy people looking for a crutch. I was now “legally blind.” The biggest issue with being legally blind is that you aren’t allowed to drive a car. Just as with acuity, most states have guidelines for the field width required for a license. Not having a car in America can be a death sentence. Beyond the lack of public transportation, there is a definite stigma associated with non-drivers in this country.


7 July 2003
Disabled bathrooms are the worst. They’re setup only for people in wheelchairs. I brought this up to my architect friend. His response was “go study bathroom design for a couple of years and then maybe I will talk to you about it.” I was a bit surprised by his attitude. Aren’t the people who use bathroom the “customers”? Must be a great to work in an industry where the customers are sneered at and customer criticism is only due to their misunderstanding of the “vision.”


October 2003
Got married! Honeymoon in Sedona. The Grand Canyon. What an amazing trip. 


November 2003
My Dad died of a heart attack. We’d just gotten back from the Honeymoon. I never really got to know him. Never will now. Glad he came to the wedding.


February 2004
I got to spend Christmas with Mom. She was thin and ill. We knew it would be her last. Too young. Forever to be missed. My best friend.


April 2004
Sold the condo and bought a house.


9 May 2004
I’m so tried.  My body is cut and bruised and stung. A week of moving and working. I used to know how to smile. Why is my life so damn hard? I’m not complaining about simple problems or suburban drama. My life has been hard as long as I can remember. And never the same battles. I’m sick of dealing, sick of the changes, sick of the re-invention.


Part 13 can be found here.