Losing Well Part 13

Continuation of my series, Losing Well. Part 1 can be found here.


December 2015
The rest of 2004 was spent getting my new house in order. I started going back to shows. I stopped writing a journal so I don’t have too much of my feelings from this time period. I threw myself into work. The long hours were paying off as I was getting recognition for my project management skills.


May 2005
Off to Phoenix. Kate’s going to join me and we’re going to drive up the painted desert.


9 September 2005
My battle with RP marches onward. I just got back from Johns Hopkins. I go there every two years to baseline my remaining vision. This time didn't go so well. It showed that I have lost 50 percent of my vision in the past four years - not that I had all that much four years ago. Most of what I lost was islands notremaining central core.

I’ve been sitting on my hands for a while. It’s easy for me to forget that I even have a problem. That’s because RP challenges my sense of self and I’m in denial.

When I act blind people get upset when I prove I can see. When I pretend I’m sighted, I end up getting hurt - you should see the bruises on my legs. So in many ways it’s easier to live down to people's expectations than to challenge them with the half sighted world. Educating the public gets tiresome and it was never a position I wanted to be in. I need to start being who I am. Contradictions and all.


December 2015
2006 started out rough. I had cataract surgery in my left eye. I started to lose the ability to read normal print. This caused me to sink further into depression. Most people didn’t read books and now I was going to forced to quit them. It felt very unfair and frustrating. 


February, 2006
Had cataract surgery in my left eye.Now I have to use bifocals to read. It’s a tough change. Getting lots of headaches.


24 March 2006
Went to a coffee house with friends. On the way out I got hit up by a cute young couple with a “Can we pray for your eyes?” The cane does draw attention.
“Why?” I asked in surprise.
"So God can heal your eyes,” the guy replied.
I was confused.“It’s a genetic eye disease."
“So?” The girl replied. “Let’s give it a shot.”
I let go of the girl’s hand. “I really do appreciate your concern, but no thanks.”
“You don’t want us to pray for you?” the girl asked. I could hear her confusion.       
 “No,” I replied. They left with the odd tension of the unexpectedly rejected. People can't just accept me for who I am.

Part 14 can be found here.