Losing Well Part 5

Continuation of my series, Losing Well. Part 1 can be found here.


1 August 1999
My employer hired an outside company to help its employees deal with future planning and they are calling me today to go over Long Term Disability and SSDI.


3 August 1999
I had the test, but no test results. My doctor is out of town until next week. He originally had me take a 60 degree threshold test which he now thinks was too broad to determine how many degrees I still have. So I went back and took the 2-30 degree test. The test doesn't tell you how many degrees but it does print out a map of what I can see. I’ll be surprised if I have more than 15 degrees in my left eye and more than 10 in my right. Total guess work at this point. Find out next week. I guess that would make me legally blind. Wait and see.


6 August 1999
I went to counseling. Oh boy. I told her all of the things that I have been telling you. It kinda felt good to get it all out. But she got really upset. I honestly don't think that she thought her actions had their own effect on our situation. So all of my hurt and anger is out there now.


7 August 1999
I met with the guy at work who is blind. He was born without eyes. He told me that he thinks I’m in a tougher place because I know what it’s like to see. I live in that gray in-between world of the half-sighted.


8 August 1999
A friend called me. I will be running sound for a band tonight at a art gallery/night club. My life has changed so much since my wife left. I never would have done half of this stuff before


19 August 1999
The marriage counselor just called. My wife has decided to stop counseling. I’m not sure what this means exactly. I have called her house and no one answers. I don't know if this means she wants a separation or what. Needless to say, I am a little upset.


21 August 1999
Will I come out a stronger person?  I don't know.


22 August 22, 1999
I find out tomorrow if I am legally blind. Nervous. I need a vacation


23 August 1999
Wife just called. She wants to separate our possessions.


23 August 1999
Turns out I find out tomorrow if I am legally blind. If I am, I have to stop driving and move to were I can get to public transportation. My marriage counselor called to say that my wife wants to stop counseling and she called me today to say that we need to separate our possessions. That is about it though.


24 August 1999
Found out today I’m legally blind. I have less than 20 degrees if vision.  Also met with Division of the Blind today.


26 August 1999
I cannot seem to feel anything. Like I am a spectator in my own life.


29 August 1999
I found an apartment.


30 August 1999
I got a really cool apartment 4 blocks from work. Getting legally separated. Stop driving soon and that is going to be a shock to the system. I have a case worker at Division of the Blind now. Start cane training pretty soon. Life is moving real fast here.


Part 6 can be found here.