Losing Well Part 6

Continuation of my series, Losing Well. Part 1 can be found here.


3 September 1999
To Whom It May Concern,

Mr. Mayhew is a client of the state Division of the Blind [and is] seeking help with mobility issues which are a result of his retinitis pigmentosa. He does have retinitis pigmentosa and does have severe restrictions in his visual fields.

Individualized Plan for Employment

This is my individualized plan for employment. I have been provided with opportunities to participate and make informed choices in my vocational goal, services, service providers and ways to get services. The employment goal is should be met by 6/2000. These are the services needed to meet my employment goal:

Services needed: Mobility Services
Beginning Date: 9/99
Who will pay for service: Division of the Blind

Services needed: Guidance and Counseling about adjustment to blindness
Beginning date: 9/99
Who will pay for service: Division of the Blind.


3 September 1999
The wife and I have come to an agreement about the stuff. I’m starting over. But that’s okay. My friends are going to help me move all that’s left. I’m looking forward to it! I think that this is one of the best things that could happen to me.


4 September 1999
Things are crazy here. I got the separation papers from wife. Trying to pack. I met my case worker. She was nice but the documentation they have you fill out is so insulting. It’s like I’m going blind on purpose just so i can milk the state.


10 September 1999
I moved to an apartment 4 blocks from work.  I moved in with nothing more than my clothes and a sleeping bag. I let her have everything. Stopped driving.


21 October 1999
I’m supposed to run sound for a band tonight. I don't know if I told you or not but I started using a cane. I really think this is a good thing. Finally got furniture for the apartment.


9 November 1999
When I started emailing you I was married, drove and lived in a house in the country. Now I use a cane, live in an apartment in the heart of the city with all new stuff and I’m separated from my wife. It has only been six months! I look around sometimes and wonder how the hell I got here. But in many ways, I’m happier.


27 December 1999
Sorry it has been so long. Got really busy at work. All this month I have been putting in 60+ hour weeks. I’m buying a condo! It’s right across from the park and about 2 blocks from work.


December 2015
     Somehow I survived 1999, my year of upheaval. Everything I knew came crashing down. I was very numb during this whole process. I kept busy working. I was lucky to have a job. It kept me going and allowed me to afford to live downtown. In the space of a year, I’d morphed from a home body married man into a work hard/play hard single man. The transformation left me dizzy.
     Another big change in 1999 was using a white cane. The cane is a symbol and it identified me as disabled. I needed to use it to get around and let others know that I needed help getting around. But I had a hard time admitting my weakness to the world. I didn't like being needy. 
     Towards the end of 1999, I started seeing a therapist. She was worried that I’d slipped into a situational depression. She told me that what I needed was grief counseling for losing my eyesight. She encouraged me to start dating again.

Part 7 can be found here.